


Beautiful scar

by hazelandglasz



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s04e12 Naked, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Healing, Self Confidence Issues, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-04
Updated: 2013-07-04
Packaged: 2017-12-17 16:22:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/869552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelandglasz/pseuds/hazelandglasz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angie prompted :<br/>Blaine won’t participate in the calendar because of Sadie Hawkins’ scars</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Incipit

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of past homophobic bullying, self-hatred and the like

"Come on Blaine it will be fun !"

Blaine doesn’t even look up from his book. After all, he was in the library for some reasons - not just escaping Sam and his crazy ideas to raise money for the Rise-from-the-Ashes-of-their-Apocalypse Glee Club (sounds better than New Directions anyway, with all due respect to Mr Shue).

"Sam, I said no already, can’t you just drop it" he whispers, trying to control the shivers in his hands.

But not to avail, Sam takes the chair next to him; “Come on, Blaine, we’re all pretty easy on the eye, all the girls and some of the boys in this school will buy it like it’s the solution to all of their problems and then Bam !" he exclaims, smashing his hand in the desk, getting a glare from the librarian, “we’ll have enough money to make new costumes without being ridiculous - too ridiculous, fine" he adds when Blaine looks at him with one cocked eyebrow.

Blaine sighs loudly and focuses on his book (why oh why did he pick the History book ?). “You don’t need me, just ask Finn to get in the damn calendar, and you all just have to do two months. Or better, ask the band, I’m sure they will feel glad you asked them, just … let me out of it, okay ?" The question sounds more like a prayer than a simple demand, and the hand on his shoulder is proof enough that he’s not the only one hearing it.

"Fine, bro, as you wish" Sam says softly, his grip on Blaine’s shoulder comforting. “But if you need to talk about it, whatever “it" is, you know where to find me."

"In the gym, working your abs ?" Blaine replies with a small smile.

"Damn right !" Sam says as he leaves.

Alone at last, Blaine tries to focus on his work, he really does, but he already knows it’s a lost cause.

Posing basically naked for a calendar ? No fucking way.

No way is he going to let people - people that don’t matter, people who don’t care for him like Kurt did - see how … damaged he is.

His left hand travelsto his right side, absent-mindedly touching his ribs, where a barely visible but still oh so visible nonetheless scar shows the location of the hardest hit he got during that fateful evening.

The hit that broke his ribs to the point that they pierced the skin.

Then he touches his chest, reaching the hit that cut his breath, right on his left lung, leaving a bruise that never really faded.

His hand continues a familair path, one that it has taken so many times before when Blaine was trying to reconnect with his body, his traitorous body who had left him helpless : from the right side to the chest, down to his left hip, marked by another scar, a surgical one where the surgeons had to operate on his kidney to save it, back to the chest but a little higher, right on his collarbone where he can still feel the point where the bone mended itself …

No, his body is too damaged and horrifying to be used like this.

No, there is no way Blaine can possibly participate in a not-completely-naked-but-still-PG-calendar.

Unless he takes December and manages to bundle himself in scarves …


	2. Facing the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine is thinking about Sam's offer  
> But he has to face his trauma one more time

His talk with Sam really leaves Blaine in a unsettled state of mind and raw nerves - a state he knows to have only one resolution : hitting the gym, literally.

After a couple of hours training and hitting the punching ball in order to let go of all the bad memories he just brought back to the surface, and like an echo, every hit seems to wake his old pains up.

*hit* Thought you could leave without being punished, faggot ?

*hit* Thought we wouldn’t teach you a lesson ?

*hit* Try to run and dance now fairy !

Blaine lets out an animalistic cry as he gives a final hit to the punching ball - the poor thing really has seen better days - and he takes a step back as he takes his gloves off, his breath coming out of him like they’re pulled out of him.

The punching ball is useless at this point, he just needs a boiling shower to forget himself for a minute, forget his damaged body, forget his marked body …

Taking advantage of the fact that he’s alone in the locker room, Blaine takes off his sweaty clothes, grabs his soap, shampoo and towel and enters the showers. As usual, he steps into the one that is the farthest from the entrance, next to the wall, the one he uses whenever someone else is here, to make sure that he is not going to creep on them.

Once he is under the spray of water - God, if it was any hotter, it would skin him ! - he starts to calm down, his breath coming slower already.

Just as he turns to rinse all of the soap from his hair, Sam enters the showers. “Ah, Blaine, bro, I knew you would be here, isn’t there anything -" he starts but even without opening his eyes, Blaine knows why he abruptly stopped his supposedly pep talk.

He can see all the scars, now he knows, he didn’t really knew, he probably thought i was just being body-shy, now he knows how badly I’m broken, how horrifying I look without my clothes on …

"Wow, man, sorry, I thought you were done, I didn’t mean to peek at your junk" Sam stammers, his voice coming from behind the separating wall ; Blaine opens one eye to look in his direction, and the blond’s face is pinker than usual.

Oh.

"Sam, what do you want that couldn’t wait ?" Blaine finally says when his voice is under control. Good : he sounds posed, like nothing is out of the ordinary.

"Well, I know that guys usually don’t talk while in the showers, but Kurt used to do that, so I figured maybe you would agree to just think about joining us in the Calendar if I caught you while you’re in the shower …" As Blaine turns to look at him with a “are you kidding me" look, Sam gives him a crooked smile. “I’m not making much sense, am I ?" he says with a chuckle.

Blaine turns off the shower and secures the towel around his waist. “Come on, Sam, now that you’ve seen them, you can’t possibly want me to let someone take a picture of me half-naked, can you ?" he says, his voice growing louder and louder.

Sam looks startled. “What are you talking about, bro ?" 

As he dries his hair, Blaine takes a good look at his friend. His eyes show no lies in their depth, just his usual sincerity and some concern, for him no doubt. It’s his turn to be puzzled. “Don’t you see them ?"

"See what, man ? I didn’t see anything particular, except your di-"

"NO !" Blaine exclaims, a laugh bubbling in his throat at the level of strangeness this conversation is taking. “I’m talking about my scars, they’re pretty obvious !"

Before he can stop him, Sam is coming closer, looking at him with focus. “Oh you mean those white lines ?" he finally exclaims after some examination. “Honestly, dude, I didn’t see them until you told me there was something to look for, know what I mean ?"

Blaine huffs and puts on his boxers. “Well they are here, and I really don’t want to show them to everybody and their mother" he mumbles as he throws the soaked towel away.

"Blaine ! Man ! Seriously ?!" Sam laughs - he actually laughs at his insecurities ? - “I’m telling you, it’s not a big deal !"

"IT IS A BIG DEAL !" Blaine shouts, turning to face him. “Do you have any idea of what they mean to me ? What kind of nightmare they put me through every time I catch them in the mirror or every time I touch them as I get dressed ?!" Blaine can feel his eyes tearing up but now that he’s started he can’t stop. “I see them like a neon light, Sam, it’s pratically the only thing I see when I look at myself ! and Kurt was the only one able to make me forget about them, like they didn’t matter even though they do, like my body is not broken beyond repair …" and he can’t anymore, his sobs wreck his chest and he’s falling …

Right until Sam catches him before he hits the floor.

"Shhhh, it’s going to be okay, Blaine" Sam whispers in his damp hair, his arms holding him against his warm, clothed body. "You’re not broken, man, you’re not broken, shhhh …"


	3. The Calendar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conclusion of this story :)

After his meltdown in the locker room, Blaine is not sure where his friendship with Salm stands.

Only thing he’s certain of : Sam is not going away. He’s not going to leave his side, he’s not disgusted by his scars, he’s not going to let him deal with all his emotional baggage (at this point, it’s quite the overweight …), he’s going to stay he’s going to stay he’s going to stay …

"Damn straight I’m going to stay" Sam mumbles in his hair, still holding him close.

Shit, did he say that out loud ?

Clearing his face of the last tears, Blaine gently pushes him away. “You’re a really good friend, Sam" he says softly, pulling his clothes out of the locker to finally get dressed. Sam gives him a crooked smile and gently punches his shoulder.

"That’s what bros are for, right ?"

*-*-*

Later, much later, once they’re comfortable installed in the Lima Bean – ever since Kurt’s phone call, the coffee place is no longer haunted by the bitter memories like it has been for the past couple of months, and Blaine can enjoy his medium drips and his soy lattes without being choked up by those ghosts, while Sam appreciates the Frappucinos (all of them, every single flavor, and even if it’s freezing outside – it’s one of his many quirks) – Blaine starts talking.

And talking. For hours.

(They switch to decaf after the third drink).

About everything that happened that night.

How he fought back until his rib pierced his skin, causing him to faint.

How he lied there, on the verge of consciousness, while his attackers kept on hitting him with their foot and their words.

How he hoped for it to end, one way or the other (at this point, Sam excuses himself, and when he comes back, his eyes are just a little bit red. Neither mentions it).

Sam doesn’t let him talk alone, though. He asks questions, about what seems to be random facts and details : how long he stayed in the cold (he really can’t tell because his grasp on reality was fuzzy as best), who found him (a teacher coming out for a smoke, which prompts Sam to joke, saying “Smoking actually saved your life, bro !”), what happened to his date (he got one punch and managed to run away – Blaine can’t really blame him, he would probably have done the same, even if Sam disagrees), what happened to his attackers (nothing), so on and so forth.

 

 

[Many years later, during his Bachelor Party, Sam will confess that he asked all those questions in order to make sure he could prevent anything that would trigger memories from that night to happen to Blaine, in the limits of his abilities. Blaine will blame the copious amount of alcohol they pushed in his hand for his reaction, i.e., wailing like a baby as he babbles about how great of a bro Sam has been for him]

Once he really has said everything there was to say, Blaine lets silence settle around them. It’s not really an uncomfortable one – it’s mostly filled with the shift that just happened in the paradigm of their friendship : it is one major shift, and Blaine isn’t sure how he feels. Mostly, he feels empty, but content at the same time, relieved : even with all this baggage, Sam is there. He’s staying by his side, he is not ridiculing him, he’s not running away from the freak who was so weak, who wasn’t able to man up after getting his ass kicked like he deserved to be, who is so damaged that he can’t even own his scars …

His musing is cut off short by Sam clearing his throat. “I hear you, man, I really get it. But it doesn’t change the fact that you’re the only one who sees them so obviously.” Blaine opens his mouth to protest, to explain that maybe it’s only in his head that his scars are a problem, but that it doesn’t make them any less important, any less of a problem, but Sam holds his hand up. “I’m not saying that it makes them trib-triv … Fuck me and my dyslexia” he mumbles with an embarrassed smile, one that Blaine can share since they’ve been working together to help Sam getting the words out the way he thought them, “like, I’m not saying that just because it’s in your head it doesn’t matter, all I’m saying is that maybe they’re only as important as you make them to be ?”

Well.

That effectively stops Blaine short. He spent years trying to convince himself that he could overlook them, that he was better that a sum of scars and trauma, but he never considered that he could look at them and tame them, so to speak.

“You know Sam, you’re a lot smarter than people give you credit for” he says with a shy smile. Sam answers only with an even brighter smile, but the smile quickly disappears with Blaine’s next words. “But I can’t, I really … I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, like you have no idea, maybe one day I’ll be … I don’t know, confident enough to be half-naked for some pictures but …”

“But you don’t have to be half naked !”

Sam’s shout earns them a few glares – and more than a few interrogative glances – from the other patrons in the coffee shop, but Blaine stays focused on his best friend. “What do you mean ?” he asks quietly, clearly puzzled – from what he had gathered, this was supposed to be a sexy Glee Club Calendar …?

“I thought that you of all people would understand that you don’t have to get naked to be sexy” Sam answers with a smirk. Blaine blushes, thinking back to their first encounter.

I’m not for sale !

“Trust me, bro” Sam continues, the smirk only getting cockier by the second, “you especially don’t need to take off all your clothes to be sexy”.

Blaine smirks back at that. “are you putting the moves on me, Evans ?”

“You wish, Anderson, you wish”.

*-*-*

A couple of months later, the calendar comes out, and Sam grabs two extra editions of them (one for Cooper, because he bonded with Blaine’s older brother and he knows Blaine won’t give one to him, and one for Kurt, because he knows his friend will appreciate this little piece of Blaine once he finds it in himself to forgive him).

Unique opens the ball, so to speak, with a picture illustrating January that manages to be an homage to Martin Luther King and simultaneously be just a little bit sexy.

Tina is a very unique kind of snake for February : red highlights in her hair and red and orange prosthetics on her face, coupled with contacts that turns her eyes into reptilian orbs truly turn her into a sexy serpent.

Rory – who came back during Christmas break – makes a perfect Leprechaun, even if everyone agrees : he’s more on the “cute” side than sexy, but he makes it work, and that’s all that matters.

Brittany and Sugar pair up for April, more to keep the peace than anything else : they both desperately wanted to be the Sexy Easter Bunny. The resulting picture is so sexy, in fact, that Blaine was certain that it was going to be taken out of the calendar by the school board. In the end, either they are very lenient this year, or they’re just a bunch of old perverts – Blaine and Sam are pretty sure which is the accurate option …

Sam is the face for May, with a crown of flowers and teeny tiny green boxers. The whole club participates in painting a bright yellow background, which ends up with half of them covered in yellow strikes, while the other half is doubled in half in laughter – luckily, Artie was recording all of it, that’s one Hell of an afternoon.

After taking some time to convince her, Marley agrees to be Miss June, wearing one of the swimsuits they had previously used for Mr Schue’s proposal. It’s such a good look for her that her whole closet takes a vintage accent, with Unique’s and Tina’s help (the make-over is actually the opportunity for the two girls to mend what had broken during Sectionals);

Ryder is the perfect face for July, what with his top hat and stripped shorts. Blaine is particularly proud of the fireworks background he managed to create – good Photoshop skills, check !

To everyone’s surprise, Joe decides to be the month of August, with a tribute to Women’s Equality Day ; the result is … strangely sexy, to put it gently : Joe holds a cardboard with a Suffragette’s slogan. And nothing else.

Kitty takes September by surprise, recreating the “We Can Do It” poster. It’s quite sexy, and it’s surprisingly feminist of her, so everyone whole-heartedly agrees and helps her getting the right attire.

Artie is probably the funniest one, with his sexy impersonation of Christopher Colombus for October, but Blaine has to admit it : he really rocks the 15th century look.

Jake does his best for November, but really, no one can expect him to stay “in character” when he’s wearing a sexy turkey costume, can they ?

Finally, Blaine is their Mister December : his torso is literally covered in white and blue strikes, a little homage to Jack Frost - even some of it gets in his hair - in a Winter Wonderland, and they all work to tie white Christmas light around him like vines.

Blaine knows for sure than Sam talked to the rest of the group when he enters the room for his shoot, especially when Brittany, who is busy painting little snowflakes on his shoulder, gently pets his side right across the scar and whispers in his ear “if you let people that love you touch it, it will chase the ghosts away” (Blaine has to work hard to keep the tears at bay).

Later, once the pictures are done, as he’s removing the make-up from his body, Blaine spends some times on the different scars, letting the hand holding the cotton travel a familiar path : from the right side to the chest – where Jake tickled him mercilessly while he was applying the glitter -, down to his left hip – where Sugar and Marley drew little smiley faces, hidden in the paint -, back to the chest but a little higher, right on his collarbone, where Kitty tied the lights so gently that he felt like hugging her if it could be done without transferring all the make-up and paint on her …

Yes, the scars are there.

They are visible.

They are ugly, as ugly as the event that brought them on his skin.

But given some time, and with the help and love of the ones he’ll let in, Blaine knows that he’ll be able to overcome them.

He just needs the time.

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by Aaron’s “Beautiful Scar", particularly those lyrics :
> 
> this is a brainwashing process  
> deep in my consciousness  
> and homeless soul  
> i’m your prom doll


End file.
